1.3.2 Value led parenting

Thoughts on interview with Madeline Levine 

Two things that really resonated with me. 

First, how involved parents should be in their children's lives. How much 'support' should parents offer so as to encourage children to take risks which would allow them to step out of their comfort zones while at the same time not stifling their growth due to over-protectiveness. Our son recently started going to kindergarten after almost a year of spending much of his time with his parents. It's tough on him. He doesn't want to let go of us. But at the same time we need to leave him with his kindergarten teachers so that he gets used to the environment and not expect us to be there all the time. If we should do it so drastically or help him integrate gradually is always a struggle. 

Second, that our own insecurities can influence how we raise children. Although I think of myself as a parent who would let his son be - my son is just about three yet -  I cannot deny that deep withing I have a fear that he may not socialize, just like I didn't or be socially 'adept' unlike me who was a rather shy child. 

Thoughts on TED talk by Julie Lythcott-Haims  

The talk by was very relatable although I, as a child and a teenager never experienced the kind of parenting style she talks about and I have a long way to go as a parent myself. However, I could see this kind of parenting around me in India too. In east Asia academic and consequently professional performance is akin to superior social status thus education is very competitive and as a result a lot is expected of children on the academic front. Add to that, over the last few decades performance in extra-curricular is being overemphasized as well owing to certain skill sets demanded by future employers. All this is leading to distressed children, rising suicide rates among east Asian students and burnouts even before students begin their professional lives. 

This isn't just a parenting issue though. It's a social issue. What a given society values has a lot of bearing on education and consequently parenting as well. In countries such as Nordic countries, where overall well-being of the population is valued and the differences between various professions and social classes are minimal, this phenomenon is seldom seen. In capitalist societies such the U.S or upwardly mobile societies such as China or India, where economical success defines one's position in the society, this problem will persist unless focus is shifted. 

Questions

• How do you define conflict?

    Conflict is where priorities of various parties involved in the 'conflict' do not align well,     or are often so radically different that it generates stress in all the parties, often with        negative consequences.

• What is your typical response to conflict?

    To try and negotiate a solution. 

• What is your greatest strength when dealing with conflict?

    Being able to from others' perspectives. 

• If you could change one thing about the way you handle conflict, what would it be? Why?

    I do tend to get resentful if I need to relinquish more in a negotiation. That is                    indicative of the fact that the negotiated solution is not fully in my interest. I feel I           must improve my negotiation skills.

• What is the most important outcome of conflict?

    If done well, the negotiated solution may benefit all the parties than the circumstances     prior to conflict.